


What Are You Looking For?

by ohgoditsneph



Series: Fractured Memories [3]
Category: Dungeons & Dragons (Roleplaying Game), Dungeons & Dragons - All Media Types
Genre: Changelings, Death, Eberron (Setting), Loss, Other, dream - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-26
Updated: 2018-12-26
Packaged: 2019-09-27 18:10:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17166800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohgoditsneph/pseuds/ohgoditsneph
Summary: What are you looking for?After a long day (and a long week,) Ash gets drunk for the first time in awhile since entering Thrane, and one of the drinks causes her to black out and have a strange dream. Surrounded by an endless desert, her strange cat familiar, Doppel, has come to deliver some harsh truths and provide guidance.





	What Are You Looking For?

Ash awoke in a daze, her mind still very much fuzzy from drinking so much that evening. The memories of the previous evening all seemed to muddle together-- First Stick was granted a wish by the Deck of Many Things, then he used it to take back the “terrible sacrifice” Jeremy the Arcanaloth merchant instilled on him in exchange for a magical item… then the next thing the party knew, the warforged wizard was knocked to the ground and beaten within an inch of his albeit artificial life by the human paladin Capius. If it weren’t for Bramble and the young monk Soren, he would have most certainly broken his vows to the Silver Flame.

This act enraged Ash as well-- the wish could have used for anything else and it would have still been more useful than what Stick had done. In an effort to forget that the night even happened, Ash took some drink from Jeremy’s Flask, having been deprived of spirits entirely since their arrival in Thrane, and downed as much as she could without passing out, then stomped back to the inn. The passing out itself came when the gnome offered a “special” drink to the tune of 50 Galifars-- once she downed the mysterious “green tea,” Ash’s vision became warped and blurry, and the next thing she knew, she blacked out.

Having drank so much felt as if she had found water in a desert. In fact… Ash did find herself in a desert. Strange. This… this wasn’t the inn, no. She took a quick glance around. The sky was dusty, but still blue, a clear sign that she wasn’t in The Mournland, either… So where was she?

Just as Ash got up, a voice made itself known. It was disembodied, and yet it felt like it was everywhere.

“What are you looking for?”

Ash stood, confused. She was more concerned about her surroundings than much else. Sand for miles, and a mild sandstorm to boot. Even if she were actively looking for something, it wasn’t likely that she would be able to find it anytime soon.

The voice returned.

“What are you looking for?”

Thinking on it, Ash recognized the voice. It was Doppel. He was in her dreams once more. Ash’s expression turned from that of confusion to irritation. It was bad enough that he decided to introduce himself the first time by way of her dreams, now it seemed that he liked toying around with her whenever possible. It didn’t help that the aloof cat gave her the silent treatment when she demanded to know what he was up to as he laid at the end of her bed prior to returning to the inn.

“What do you want now!?” She yelled into the air, looking up at the dusty sky.

“It’s not gold. You’re not telling people what you really want. It’s just a front… for something else entirely… isn’t it?”

Ash scowled, clenching her fists, ready to fight whatever dared come before her.

“How the fuck would YOU know? You don’t know me!”

“Oh, but that’s where you’re wrong. I’m inside of your mind. I know every detail about you, at all times. There’s something more that you seek more than anything… So, I ask of you again… What are you looking for?”

Ash clenched her fists. She would rather die than to admit it, but there was only one thing she wanted. One thing above all else. But…

“…You can’t have it, can you?”

Dammit all.

Ash shouted into the sky. “Who the fuck do you think you are, trying to control me in my dreams, trying to tell me how I am! You’re just like every noble jackass, seeking control of everyone and caring only about yourself!”

Doppel cut Ash off, laughing, unphased by her increasingly hostile state of mind.

“You never cease to amuse me, child; If I could control everyone I wanted, I wouldn’t have chosen a weakling like you.”

Ash had enough. She screamed, rushing further into the desert, desperately hoping to reach Doppel, to give him a piece of her mind.

As she did so, the scenery around her changed. The desert, the sky, everything faded into eternal black, as if Ash were in an endless void. She jolted back in surprise as two massive, turquoise cat eyes opened right in front of her. Ash froze.

“No… I came to you because I find you very interesting.”

“No shit. We went over this.” Ash growled, gritting her teeth.

“With the powers that you have, you’re capable of doing many interesting things… let’s return to the desert, shall we?”

The void retreated from whence it came; the desert had returned, though Doppel’s eyes remained, encompassing most of the sky.

 “So, what do you really seek?”

Ash looked down, clenching her fists. Her entire body trembled. She hadn’t been this anxious in a long time.

Doppel’s eyes shifted slightly. Beside them, an image had appeared. It was faded and twitching slightly. A minor illusion.

Ash looked up. It was the face of her lover. Her childhood friend. It was Nox. Though she often thought about him, seeing his face elsewhere besides her mind stung. It only served as a painful reminder of that fateful day of his death, and only served to open wounds she only just now began closing up. A rush of emotions had started coming to the surface. Despair, from being reminded of Nox’s demise once more, and rage, from Doppel’s pointless mind games and Stick inadvertently denying her of the one thing she wanted most.

“It’s this… isn’t it?”

Tears welled up in Ash’s eyes. She instinctively reached out to the illusion. Maybe… maybe she could…

No… her fingers ran straight through the visage.

Ash looked down once more, holding back tears.

“I… I can’t… I can’t have him… He’s…”

“So, then, why do you bother trying to reach for something you cannot have?”

Ash lurched her arm back.

“Why does it matter to you?!”

Doppel ignored her. “Some people who experience loss want vengeance. Others do many things to keep their memories alive. Some wander aimlessly. Which are you, I wonder?”

Ash stood silent, hoping that maybe keeping quiet would prevent Doppel from picking at her brain any further. A volcano of memories erupted to the surface of her mind. The day she and Nox met, as two young changeling children. All the times they played “I am You,” in an effort to not only improve their shapeshifting and acting, but to fool their families for a time. The day he asked her out on a date. The night that she came to his house upset and left in a much better mood and the realization that she had fallen for him. The day they both packed up their things and left Flamekeep for better pastures. The night that they both finally confessed their love for each other and consummated their relationship once and for all. Their short time as merchants… and then…

The day of his death. It was almost too much to bear. Witnessing it left a massive void inside of Ash, sowing the seeds of guilt alongside it. She should have been the one to die, not him. At least Nox tried to make something of himself with his alchemy. Ash had nothing but a silver tongue and mind games to fool people into giving her more gold for the items she sold than they were ever worth.

Doppel’s face leaned ever closer to Ash, refusing to relent.

“Vengeance in this case can’t be obtained, and you’ve done very little to keep him immortalized… haven’t you? You’re wandering aimlessly, grasping at straws, hoping to find some miracle. Following a path that will lead nowhere.”

“No… vengeance cannot be obtained, either, can it? You’re wandering aimlessly, grasping at straws, hoping to find some miracle. Following a path that will lead nowhere.”

“Shut the hell up…” Ash collapsed to the ground on her hands and knees. “Just shut the fuck up! You know nothing of what I’ve been through! Of what I’ve suffered!”

Ash broke down and began to wail. She didn’t want any reminders. She knew that she had no way of saving Nox; he was too far gone by the time she and the mercenaries had made it out of The Mournland. The least she could do was to have his body blessed and have him buried in The Thornwood, north of Arythawn Keep—the very same forest that he admired so much that they had both spent a night there to fully appreciate it.

“Why… why do you do this…” She asked desperately in between sobs. “Why do you even bother me. You said it yourself; I’m a weakling. So… why do you even waste your time…”

“I want to help you. To guide you. That is why I chose to follow you.”

Nox’s image faded away slowly, dissolving into sand and becoming one with the endless desert. Doppel’s enormous eyes re-centered around Ash.

“You can change into anyone you want. You can become anything you want, as you’re no doubt aware by your changeling nature and newfound chameleon powers. You have very strange magics surrounding you that you do not yet understand.”

“No shit! Why don’t you just fucking get to the point!” Ash cried, bursting into more tears than before, an endless stream running down her face. Her throat had a massive lump. It hurt to speak. The tension within her abdomen increased by the minute, it felt as if lightning had been electrocuting her very soul, threatening to paralyze her.

“Nox is dead. You will never be able to have him back. There’s no sense in continuing this path. Therefore… you must choose a new path. A new purpose. Your own purpose.”

Ash punched the ground, burying her fist into the sand from the force of the impact

 “You said you could guide me, right?! Then why don’t YOU tell me where to start? What the hell should I do now?”

  Doppel’s eyes narrowed, moving inches in front of Ash.

“If I told you, then it wouldn’t be your choice to make… now would it?”

Ash looked up, her face that of absolute grief. She was lost. Maybe obtaining more riches wasn’t her end goal anymore, but… what else could she do?

 Eventually, the endless void returned. Doppel’s eyes closed, fading into eternal night.

Ash opened her eyes. Still kind of blurry… but it seemed like she was back in reality, though she was no longer at the bar, but rather her own bed-- Bramble or Capius must have carried her while she was out of it. Her head felt as if a tarrasque had stomped on it. She tried sitting up, only to feel an unusual amount of weight on her chest.

Gaining some clarity, Ash felt something rough run across her face. The weight was Doppel, back in his normal cat form, laying close by and licking her face, oddly enough, in a comforting manner. Ash was still very much irritated by him but…

Maybe he was right. Maybe it was time to give Nox’s death the reverence it deserves. But then, what else could she do? She thought for a while, about the past three months, their goal to stop the vile silver dragon Evelyn, and the recent revelation that the young monk with unusually powerful magical powers was in fact a Cannith in hiding from his family.

Ash loathed House Cannith for swindling her out of thousands of coin, but knowing now that they’re not opposed to using children as literal batteries to power who knows what, she had even more of a reason to put their heads on a pike.

Then there was Capius, who had a 10,000 platinum bounty on his head, giving many an adventurer and bounty hunter a reason to use any means necessary to get the coin, especially those affiliated with the Silver Flame, who took the death of High Cardinal Kozek very hard.

 Maybe she couldn’t protect Nox, but she could protect who was left alive. It was what he would have wanted, after all-- he had done the same with Ash; sacrificing his life to ensure that she could escape safely back into Breland. She had no knowledge of alchemy, but she knew how to fight a lot better than she did before Nox died. It only made sense to try to protect others.

 Ash rolled onto her side, shifting Doppel beside her. The eerie purple-eyed cat made no effort to resist, instead snuggling into her chest, purring loud enough for Ash to feel it against her. It was comforting, soothing—something Ash desperately yearned for, even if she would never admit it.

“Cat… you’re annoying as hell… but I guess you’re right.” She whispered, gently stroking Doppel’s smooth short fur, goading him into purring louder. “I’ll get started tomorrow.”

Ash yawned, closing her eyes and returning to sleep, this time, without any disturbances.


End file.
